Hello lovelies! Thank you for stopping by toady when you could be elsewhere. We have a nagging feeling we have been lied to, about a bunch of things. The feeling sucks man. We are sure you know that feels. Oh well. It’s taken a few days to finally come down after Mark, Mike and Katy have been fighting for dominance. Our worlds got a bit crazy for a bit.
They had a lot to say and do. It just wipes you the hell out. Usually, as reality fades back in again, you finally have a few moments to sleep, recover and be completely afraid of what you have done and said during an alter possession (Especially during a co – engaged possession).
After reality fades back in you’re physically and mentally exhausted. Dead on your feet, completely oblivious to the world, you’re so tired. It takes days to rest and refocus on reality that has come smashing through our window.
Fading back into reality, into yourself, into the world around you that went out of focus for x amount of minutes, days, weeks or months is very, very, very much like this. Sometimes reality comes back in slowly and sometimes, it will smash through the side of your house:
After and alter has taken over during a split (Possession) your eating habits change, your sleeping habits change. Everything about yourself ceases to exist and the alter that is dominant, it’s all about them.
The dominant alters wishes, desires – Everything, takes over and you are now a different person, in every sense of the word, reflecting whatever persona fragmentation Mike, Mark or Katy has selected, to fit the context of the situation(s) they face at any one particular second..
Alters of course, can hate you, want you dead, love you, be in admiration of you, just like any other person. This also applies to loved ones. This is where things can get very confusing, very quickly. Add in two other personalities and you have a hell of a problem on your hands. Again, just as Mike is fully realized, alters can become fully realized as well and sometimes the differences can be very subtle – other times, not so much.
Many times, you end up in a physical battle, a war, so to speak, for your mind and body. Perhaps Mark wants us and him dead. Or perhaps an alter doesn’t like what someone or something in our life does. He, or she or even ME (Mike) can act out against those people or situations, usually with really horrible results.
Mark and Katy, for as odd as they are want to see good things, even though they realize their behavior can be bad. Let’s take Road To Perdition. THIS one was difficult. I remember echoing this movie and it’s scenes this with loved ones for months and years – trying to get someone’s attention.
We remember telling a loved one, once, speaking in our native language about our end of life wishes. There wasn’t a time we realized that we were echoing this, over and over and over again but we were. The very ambiguous statement fits our personas well and it speaks to the fact that 3 people have a hand in this statement (Co-Engagement):
“When people ask me if Michael Sullivan was a good man or there was just no good in him in at all. I always give them the same answer. I just tell them: He was my father”. –Road To Perdition
Just like any other echo, alters can express their disdain for what is truly right and wrong. They can express anger and frustration but they can also express love and gratitude. In this case they are pointing the out the hypocrisy of what we are, collectively as a person:
The scene above gave us A LOT of trouble for almost a year (after it was discovered we live with DiD) It was extremely hard to understand why we were playing this, over and over again, thousands if not millions of times. We had no idea we were Autistic. We had no idea that we were suffering from DiD. Just constantly hitting the << button and sending this scene to anyone that was available, for years.
One of our favorite echos others was Ned and Phil. We echo this movie to this day and this scene is extremely indicative of how Mark and I feel about eachother, from time to time. I used to act this scene out for family and friends. We became these characters for months on end.
They always said it was stunning how I spoke and acted like these characters. We would always evoke laughs with our depiction of this scene but there’s more to it than just silliness. The message here is: Mike and Mark don’t always get along. Ned loves numbers. Statistics, extremely nerdy and unbalanced. Phil on the other hand wants nothing to do with Ned the shrew. Hilarity ensues. This is very much the battle that happens daily with us:
So there you have it lovelies. 😀 The DiD struggle is real. 🙂 Next we are gong to write about how alters can act up and what happens when they attack.
M and K