Hello lovelies! The sun is actually out today! We promised to write about a skill that we have had since we were children. One thing that we never spoke up was our ability to sense others. It’s been a weird gift that we had to develop to survive. I remember telling one or two people when I was younger about this ability and it was laughed away, mental illness.
Well, 40 years later, now I want to talk about it. Discovering that I too am an empath (THAT IS A SCARY STORY) only helps us understand this much better. We surmise it’s both a survival mechanic and an empathic experience, which we will do our best to explain it.
From a very young age, we were the targets of a lot of rage, anger, fury, sex assault. We learned, early on that even teachers couldn’t be relied upon. At some point, we learned very quickly that other people were dangerous to us (reality sucks). Since we could trust no one, we had to quickly assess whoever it was that wanted something from us.
We had to understand which people wanted to engage with us sexually versus say being physically abused. Being Autistic, we study faces, we study voices. We miss nothing, as it’s been told to us by others. Even when others think we aren’t paying attention to them, we are. Hyper processing (Hyperawareness, PTSD/Autism) everything about the person and everything going on around us. Escape routes, deep breaths, blinks, everything.
What we have never really told anyone is the very empathic part of us, that everyone senses and few seem to know what to do with. We say this not to brag, please don’t misunderstand us.
We are convinced that people that live with Autism along with similar mental illnesses and empaths as well, have asymmetric/minimal access to their pineal gland. This is the gland smack dab in the middle of your brain. This is the gland that can detect higher and lower harmonic frequencies and play a part in ESP (Extra Sensory Perception).
People to me have always had both noises and light attached to them. Each person is different and both their colors and sound vibrations. Anyone that knows us that when they are around us, they have the very distinct motor oil feeling that someone else is studying/watching them. This is when we really start picking up on someone’s colors and vibrations.
Sometimes people sounds and colors are beautiful. Other times, they are dark with angry, low bass tones. I sense with people, certain textures accompanying their moods which I try to explain to them as best as I can. Sometimes, when people I love and care about are stressed, I can feel it on the surface of my skin. Like gravel, or sand rubbing up against my forearms, legs, ect.
People emit pulses of colors and lights when they aren’t around me but I’m thinking of them or speaking to them. Usually when others are stressed, I can feel their stress as very tightly timed radial pulses. Sorry, that’s the best way we can describe it, lol. Many times, people’s frustration comes out as what we would describe as sounding like TV static (back in the rabbit ear days).
Sometimes, I can very much feel what others feel. That’s the scary part. If someone in our lives is sad, we really feel it. It’s been a consistent theme that others will contact me out of the blue and say “I got a weird feeling, are you alright?”. We wonder if we too emit our distress signals, so to speak.
What’s odd is that people have always said they could feel me when I walked into a room but we never really paid attention to it, we were far too sick. We were Autistic brown kids in a sea of white faces (nothing wrong with white faces) in the Midwest. Being different wasn’t exactly a good thing and it was kind of frowned upon. So we had to keep all of these talents to ourselves. It only made us feel more different and far odder, as well.
Very quickly, even at toddler age, we were studying people because we both love and hate them. We study voices and pitch changes and colors and feelings. We have to know, immediately, who is going to harm us and who isn’t. It’s a combination of all of the above happening at the same time. We quickly compile a profile of the person we are interacting with. It’s our way of staying safe. “This person is going harm you”, or sometimes the feeling we get can be “This person isn’t who they say they are”.
So in that sense, when we say this is literally what we experience when we interact with others:
It’s literal. It’s instant and it keeps us safe from others. We have always told other that we can see through them like a sheet of glass. As usual, everyone dismisses this claim out of embarrassment and shame. Eventually, though, with time they realize we aren’t lying and we would have no reason to lie about it in the first place. We we have learned is that the ability that we have can be very disarming and people don’t like feeling naked around anyone.
That, however is exactly how we sense them. Naked, fully clothed. We are hyper processing (Autism/PTSD) everything we sense, hear and see when around others to both comfort them (Katy) and to protect us (Mark). Other people can be both draining (Physically and mentally) or recharging (Light and sound), depending on the empath.
As we wrote yesterday, there have only been two times I/we have actually ever seen a person’s face change and both happened in my early youth. The effect is demonstrated perfectly above and in “The Devils Advocate” which we still echo today. We didn’t completely understand at the time why it scared us so much.
We were scared to talk about this until we realized we weren’t the only one that has this ability.
There you are, lovelies! 😀 We hope to get some pretty pictures today as we are going to venture out today, and take a walk. 3 years locked in this building – gotta wonder what we will take pictures of!
M and K