Katy’s drowning – Ice cold nights.

Hello lovelies! What an interesting day. The more you look, the more you don’t want to see. Katy has become dominant, and we know this because she decided to express her drowning again last night.

Last night, we had a massive seizure, one that represents our drowning (And related trauma). Usually psychosocial stress forces a split but these drowning seizures are different. These kinds of seizures indicate a dominant split (Katy), not a co-engaged one. We will do our best to describe them to you. 

These cold seizures happen exclusively at night and they have been happening our entire lives. We never really understood what they meant. We always associated these seizures with Autism.

It’s not Autism, it’s Katy expressing her own trauma and recreating that night, over and over and over again. Her ANP, Apparently Normal Part (A new, exciting theory we are working on) and her younger,  EP (Emotional Part) are telling me and potentially others, a story about her/our trauma. It’s too frightening for her to talk about with others, so she recreates it for Mike, it seems, almost exclusively.

Usually, we have a few seconds before the seizure or trauma recreation begins. These seizures always appear very, very late at night. First you feel a small tingle, all over your body. A coolness to the skin, a twinge. Almost like someone is running a small piece of ice over your entire body, all at the same time.

Sometimes, a small shiver happens. We are recreating the moment we came back from the dead and the only objective is to find a heavy blanket as soon as possible. We consider this emergency situation and we have never attempted to have this seizure without a blanket. We are afraid of what could happen.

That’s the only moment you have to race to a blanket. You know the seizure is coming, you know it’s about to hit. There’s fear that its about to hit but what scares you more is the idea that you might not be close to blanket, which is part of the trauma recreation.

Sometimes you can’t get to the blanket fast enough, sometimes, you can. That’s when we “Come back to consciousness, so to speak”, the moment after CPR is stopped and the patient is wrapped in blankets to prevent secondary shock.  The person that brought us back to life was professionally trained, that we do know. We have to quickly wrap our entire body in the thickest, heaviest blanket we can find.

That’s the moment our entire body has been thrown icy cold water.  The cold (of death) feels like it’s running through your very body. You feel like your an icecube. Our body starts convulsing and we cannot stop shaking – We have to warm up.

Our body temperature drops (as this has been noted by myself and others), our skin is very cool to the touch. It’s very, very scary.  You shiver and shiver and shiver under the blanket and every muscle in your body is convulsing. Up until about a year ago, we had no idea what these seizures actually meant.

Here’s the kicker. Every square millimeter of your skin, including your head must be completely covered in blanket. If not,  our exposed skin will chill down again and the seizure happens all over again, from the beginning.

By the time we are finally finished shivering, we are completely and totally drained. We have warmed up again but now we are just wasted. When we are having these kinds of seizures, other’s note our extremely heavy breathing.

The only real way to know Katy/Elizabeth/Holly have come back to life after their resuscitation, is to open the blanket and see if we can handle the air temperature around us.  Every once in a great while, the seizure will happen again for a 3rd time but it is extremely rare.

These seizures can happen when we are completely clothed or completely naked, it matters not what we are wearing but certain criteria, it seems, must be present for this kind of trauma recreation/seizure. We are still looking for the triggers of Katy’s seizures and we are still looking for the patterns that lead up to it.

We have to research and treat ourselves completely on our own and would we really have it any other way? We spent too many decades letting others poison us further with misdiagnosis and pills – Those days are over.

So there you go. That’s what it feels like to come back from a drowning. Blind fear and a lots of shivering.