Hello lovelies. Bad, bad, BAD split and we entered a fugue and we are still in and out of it. We knew, however, this time it was coming. Kayleigh, has sprung into action and is on the warpath. We are happy, however because we were able to not only recognize the split and let others know it was happening before it happened! Progress, right!?!? Long story short, we intercepted her before she could do any serious harm. She’s reacting badly to a revelation that Katy has had and is worried for her safety.
Kayleigh, as she is known is a revenge alter. She loves to settle scores. Kayleigh, along with the rest of us seem to be in protection, mostly, of Katy. As the roundtable (Our first fuse attempt) continues and we learn more about eachother, Elizabeth chimed in with an interesting observation about Katy Mae- something very interesting, indeed.
Katy is a unique persona. For as loud as her bark is, it’s even less scary than her not so painful bite. We, in collaboration of a mental health professional, are trying to understand the complex creature Katy, and the rest of our persona’s are. We are trying to build a data set of these personas and find common patterns of which they behave.
Katy, has chosen, of course to shoot with a bow and arrow. She’s visualized this many times. Whether it’s warding off other persona’s, people or me, Katy is always ready to defend herself. In fact, Katy’s first visualization was Carole Bouquet, from the movie “For your eyes only” in which she was armed with, you guessed it, a crossbow.
Katy, warding off threats. Note the number of 3 characters
in this scene.
It was Elizabeth, in defense of Katy, who said, “She never fires it”. The more I (Mike) look, it’s true. Katy never fires her weapons. We have never seen an echo of her harming anyone or anything! It’s these subtle differences that make all the difference in the end.
What’s interesting is that Katy seems to rely on the protection of others in the group. She seems to lack what we are deeming “protection mechanisms”, as she is simply an emotional sponge, absorbing whatever energy she receives, good, bad or indifferent. As with most of our alters, she reaches out when she is ready to and very rarely starts conversations out of the blue with others. We liken her more to hiding when it comes to others. Approach carefully.
Katy, we have classed, is a savior alter. She believes it’s her job to save others and help them feel beautiful, lovely and wonderful. Again, male or female doesn’t apply to Katy – She wants others to feel special and loved – We think she really enjoys a glimpse at what she has never seen, before: True happiness. We write that of course not for sympathy but as a matter of fact; She simply doesn’t understand the emotion well as do the rest of us.
For her, happiness is a double edged sword. The problem is, when she starts to try and save toxic people or people that are out to do us harm. The lines become blurred when you’re suffering with DiD. Perceived happiness can be a convenient disguise for actual terror, of which position we are currently in.
As we have written before Katy, is, without a doubt the most beautiful part of our multiplicity. She came crashing into our recovery, making quite the splash when we finally realized she had been screaming at the top of her lungs, for decades.
This is from the song “Understanding” which changed our lives and our recovery. Katy,
has arrived. It was this song that made all the difference and one of the only reasons
we can write this blog, today.
There isn’t a doubt in my mind that Katy touches the hearts of everyone she meets, male and female, in one form or fashion. I have spoken with other empaths who have sworn they feel her presence, almost overwhelmingly so. I have heard one report of her touching someone’s hand.
Katy is ready to share her light, her trauma and her life, too. She,
We, have all agreed, must be allowed to exist, however she chooses to.
She has earned that. We are a package deal.
I have a great sense that this is why people don’t and never have really understood how to interact with us. I think they realize but don’t realize they are talking with more than just one person.
Katy is both a physical and a sexual trauma holder. She is still waiting to surrender her secrets, and to who, which is part of the reason Kayleigh is acting up. Katy is an EP (Emotional Part) but I also theorize that she has an ANP and a younger version of herself, as well. As she begins to express herself more and more, we are beginning to understand how she is presenting herself and has been, to the world.
Being an “EP”, or Emotional Part (Compartmentalization), her emotions are wildly exaggerated in relation to reality, in many instances. This problem is compounded with Autism, which acts as a giant magnifying agent to an already complex set of emotions. She loves to wallow in her misery and she still sings about her own drowning, rather frequently (Echo – Engaged, CoEngaged).
Note Katy, wallowing in a dark, pit of water. She is singing and wallowing
in her own drowning.
When Katy Mae is sad, she is SAD. Her depression and trauma run deep and she, just like us are just now beginning to understand that we aren’t in that bathroom anymore. We aren’t in danger of being starved or drowned again. It’s still very sad to me that I wasn’t able to save and defend her when I needed to.
I’m ashamed of myself, Katy, I could have done more. It’s all my fault.
She’s an artist and truly loves all colors but is terrified of drawing. That comes from, at one point being asked to draw our drowning and torture, which we did. Which only invited more torture. The last hope we had, a children’s home that was getting close to the truth, was ripped away from us to hide the abuse, the torture, the drowning because we began drawing again. Our lives have been destroyed over drawing.
She believed her color and her artistic skill to be long dead. We are trying to show her, they didn’t take it. Her art, she’s starting to learn doesn’t have to be perfect, it has to be hers. Once she realizes that, she can start to put down her on screen personas, the only safe option she had at the time, to exist without being harmed, when she was born/created.
She loves to outline all of her work in thick, dark outlines, I think, as an extension of how she sees the world. Rich with color, with dark, heavy outlines. She still wants to draw, paint and sing with another person and I have a feeling she’s searching for a greater connection to the world around her.
So that’s a bit more about Katy. I’m sure this bio will change and be edited as more collaborative efforts continue to find, locate, celebrate and listen to all of them. We hope you continue to read more about this nutty experience called our recovery and discover them with us We all thank you for taking the time out of your life to read more about us – it does us much good.
Continue being lovely!