Persona Fragmentation

The  As many know, now, we never escaped that that bathroom and never approached another one, again. What happened was hidden from doctors, therapists, police officers, everyone. We were allowed to completely come apart in illness. We were pulled out of a children’s home because they were getting too close the secrets Katy has.

  For as many times as we were told we should have never been adopted, why didn’t they just give us back? They couldn’t. The trauma had already happened. I would have talked.

  My adoptive family thought they tortured our memories out of us. Katy and Mark, in their own brilliance encoded our memories into movies, music and art. I would have never thought of that.

  The encoding of our lives, started very, very early. We were already echoing by 1983/1984 (Sweet spot). The moment of trauma (MOT) had already happened. Katy/Mike/Mark had already started encoding her life into music and movies. No one was listening to her crys, including Mark/Mike.

The secrets that Katy holds (Live to tell – Madonna),

along with Mark, have been screaming at anyone who would listen (Primarily, Mike) for decades. It made absolutely no sense. No one could help me and the mental health system was just poisoning us with pills under a  misdiagnosis of Bi Polar.

  They were giving us pills and stimulants that you would NEVER give to someone suffering with Autism. A living nightmare – pouring gasoline onto a housefire. For decades and decades. 

  We were so sick of being ill and no one was assisting us with our very obvious problems, we locked ourselves into a building 3 years ago and started our own treatment (Literally). These are our findings:

  First we have to apply Autism to DiD, itself. Autism ends up magnifying DiD, only making things far more complex. Our moment of trauma was so horrific, that two other persona’s appeared, carrying the emotions of that trauma (Along with the decades of trauma and including a kidnapping that followed). Our brains, because of Autism, compartmentalized those emotions and the alters associated with them.

  Autism and compartmentalization of the alters means that both of them (Mark and Katy) can operate independently and at the same time. We don’t experience emotions as one person, sometimes, it’s 2 others at the same time.Sometimes, Katy wants to cry and reach out to others, stuck in perpetual childhood, screaming out at to anyone who will listen (Because no one did). This is when Alter Dominance comes into play. 

    This is where things get confusing. When an alter has been activated (Becoming Dominant), triggered or awoken, that’s when the insanity begins. From observations and contextual evidence, it seems that Mark and Katy, depending who has become dominant will begin scanning the database of movies and music in our minds that we have accrued over the decades, until they find who they want to become and what they want to express.

  This can happen hundreds of times a day to just a few. It depends on stress and a lot of other factors.

  This is when the world begins to go out of focus. There is no fourth wall. You are one plane of existence inside a 3D world. The only thing you can do  anymore is react, because you’re not yourself anymore. There are no consequences in this reality, of sorts, which isn’t real.

  The moment an alter takes over and becomes dominant, there are a few warning signs that I/we have constantly observed. When an alter becomes dominant, they can hang around for just a few minutes, hours, a few days or even a few months. 

  This is where Austim and “Affinities” come into play. When let’s say, Katy takes over, all of Katy’s “Fragmentation Personas” show up. Once Katy has selected, let’s say, Jennifer Lawrence from “Hunger Games”. Her affinity is now shooting a recurve bow and existing as a survivalist.KayleighHeadnod

Or drawing a bow or watching others shoot bows and studying Jennifer’s smiles, stares, everything. Down to how Jennifer breathes, reacts, walks, stares. We miss nothing. Katy has nodded like this many times, to others. This is Katy practicing and wanting to exist as Jennifer, herself.

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Katy’s Recurve Bow. She wants to paint some cool things on this bow. (A skull with some flowers).

These affinities are what makes Katy “real” in the sense of the word.  Katy has become a dominant huntress. Mark and Mike’s skills in the woods as a survivalist and survival instructor only fuel Katy’s sense of survivalism and being a huntress. When Mark and Mike are no longer dominant, they still apply themselves, in some way, to Katy’s dominant structure.

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Who is this?

  (Mike or Mark becoming Bob from “The Edge” as a survivalist? Perhaps Hanks in “Cast away”?) Even when professionally teaching others, you don’t realize it’s not really “You” anymore. It’s multiple versions of yourself under the guise of, in this case, occupation.

  Once Katy is done existing and “talking”, she’s burned through a tremendous amount of physical energy. We are all physically exhausted and can take days to recover from an Alter being dominant.

  Once she has cooled down, Mike or Mark will once again become dominant, and the cycle repeats itself. The world will, sometimes slowly come back into focus and it’s usually frightening to experience.

Kayleigh

This itself is Persona Fragmentation. It’s the character structures that Mike/Mark/Katy want to become and exist as. If Mark wants to become a survivalist, he can choose Bob from The Edge, Alexander Supertramp from “Into the wild”, ect.

  He will talk like them, act like them and recreate the same situations that those movie characters faced. Mike/Mark have studied every single scene, hundreds of thousands of times, involving those characters, just as Katy studies and speaks like Jennifer Lawrence, for hours on end, or Lucy, from the movie “Lucy”.

  If they exist, they can finally tell their story even if it’s only Mike listening. 

  We study the sciences involved with the Persona Fragment’s existence. If Mark or Mike want to say, become Doug Masters from “Iron Eagle” we must study what fighter pilots study. Obsessively (Affinity). We must talk, act and become a fighter pilot. We must learn what those characters would have know. This is where reality and fantasy blur. This can of course, be intensified by video games, which is an entirely different problem

   Mark, Mike and Katy are constantly choosing new personas to exist as, 24 hours a day. When let’s say, Mark stops on Max Cady from “Cape Fear” and becomes dominant, Mike and Katy can still exist as, say Cooper from Interstellar and Katy, as Amy Lee.

  Because of torture in our adoption home, we learned, we weren’t wanted for a few reasons. The problem is only intensified as other diagnosis’s that are applied to the base problem. RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) and PTSD only complicate matters.

  Before our recovery began after we spun completely out of control and no one could help us.

  When you aren’t operating as yourself anymore and you aren’t aware of it, it destroys you and everyone associated with the problem, in some way. Imagine being two other people as well as yourself but not knowing it. It was a nightmare, for a long, long time.

  So there you are lovelies. This is what “Persona Fragmentation” is and we hope if that you are battling Autism and DiD this helps you. We hope it helps everyone, somehow but in the end, we thank you for taking the time out of your day to read about this.