Hello lovelies! The one really cool thing about Autism is that you learn to communicate in ways that express how much people with Autism ACTUALLY feel. The common assumption is that those with Autism don’t feel emotions – numb to them. It’s the opposite – people living Autism experience overwhelming feelings and emotions.
Living with DiD means the experience of a split is magnified. This was simply a very unlucky card we were given. Consider Autism being a magnifier of DiD – a force multiplier. Luckily, in recovery I have a way to share with you, what DiD feels and sounds like.
The sound your listening for is the sound in the background coming to a
mess, grinding halt. Listen from 1:17 to 1:24. That’s what it’s like!
This is what a split sounds like, if a split could sound like anything at all. A noise in your head, a jarring feeling in your body. This would be the sound, dead on. Reality comes crashing in slowly at first -Small fragments of who you are. bumping back into existence – You remember where you live, jarring and unexact.
Then finally, you’re back in someone’s brain again; The final, big, BUMP. You know you are now someone else and taking stock of who you might be, where you are and what the hell has happened.
Usually, for us, we feel alone, frightened and trust no one. Usually, when a split occurs and it’s either Mark’s, Katy’s or Elizabeth’s reality that’s even more frightening, experienced as them, of whom may not like the reality they have come back in to! This includes family, loved ones, professional contacts, everyone and everything. The alter may despise everything about the reality they have fallen into and react badly.
Down to your pets, your clothes and the cigarettes you smoke (Back when you could smoke). One minute, you love your life, the next, Elizabeth, who is dominant finds everything about the life she sees as horrible, awful and depressing.
The experience is only more frightening if you end up coming back from from a fugue. This is happens when a person loses their memory of a dominant possession and wakes up with no memory of what happened or how they got there. It’s very frightening. Sometimes before a fugue, you actually, feel your body shifting left or right. For us, it’s just a hair to left or right and up. We feel disconnected from our bodies – it can be very tricky to catch.